The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
