I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
