I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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