So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
