IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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