So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
