just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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