can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
