But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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