remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
