Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
