Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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