I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
