discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
