He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
