Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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