got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
