I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
