the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
