Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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