he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
