just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you inspire me to be a worse person
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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