We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
