Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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