It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
