apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
