Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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