Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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