who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
