she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
