if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
