Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
