yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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