The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
