um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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