marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
