I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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