that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am naked and annoyed.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
