Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
