i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
