you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
