I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
