I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
