dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
