Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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