Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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