Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
