dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
