Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
