Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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