I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
